We all know family is a priority in our lives, but sometimes we don't spend the most time with them. Like the famous quote says, “We don't get the value of something until we've lost it”. In 2019 my grandma died. I was returning from my last day at a summer camp and, on the way home, I noticed my dad was very serious. I took a bath and I went directly to watch the tv. My mom called my brother and me over and said “Guys I have something important to communicate to you both: your grandma died this morning at 3:00 am while sleeping”. When those words came out of her mouth, my heart broke into a million pieces. All my desire of watching TV was gone, and I collapsed and crashed into a void of sadness. I felt my entire life had ended.
Maybe your family has experienced similar moments recently. Maybe you too have lost a loved one, a family member, a friend, a pet... Based on my PERSONAL experience, today I will share with you some tips that helped me to overcome grief.
Don't hide your feelings:
Hiding your feelings and doing nothing is not an option. We are humans, and feeling pain because of the loss of your loved one is fine because that person was special in your life. If someone tells you not to cry, or not to feel pain, do not allow it. It is something that you need, and hiding it is the worst thing you can do, believe me.
According to a study, repressing our feelings does not make us stronger, on the contrary, it makes us weaker. Many times we hide our feelings, we feel that showing a vulnerable face is showing weakness, but living that way is like living with a secret that slowly and painfully eats you away. Instead, think that each of your tears is a smile for that person, and a celebration of that person's life.
Be positive:
Every rainy day has its rainbow path. To be positive in difficult times, you have to keep going. Don't worry, the best is yet to come. Think that there is a tear for every laughter and that if you are feeling very sad, it means that your moments with that person were unforgettable for both of you. I like to think when people die, they are in a better place, where they can rest in peace.
Moments of grief:
Give yourself time. Time is the best medicine. Allow yourself to go through each of the feelings of grief, understanding that they will pass, and after, you will feel better. Here are the stages I went through:
1- Paralysis: At that moment you feel like your heart is breaking and the walls are falling,
2- Crisis: When you cry it lasts approximately (2-3 days in my case)
3- Denial: You do everything to distract yourself, dance, watch TV, eat... to avoid facing the loss.
4- Acceptance when you finally accept your loved ones are gone. In this stage, you remember the moments with this person, and you will still feel sad, but the memories of your life together and the moments you shared give you comfort. Unfortunately, stage 5 lasts a lifetime.
Most of us have experienced or will experience difficult situations that put us to the test in our lives. They can range from situations that can be overcome easily to terrible situations that completely change the way we live, and seem almost impossible for us to overcome, much less have a positive attitude about them. In the latter case, it is not that we pretend to have a positive attitude from the beginning, but it is necessary to know that everyone inside us has a vital strength that makes us overcome any type of adversity, and it is called resilience.
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